By Mike Bell
I understand that recruiting is the life blood of any college football program. Its just that some people take this stuff way too seriously. I know about some of the bigger names my school (FSU) is recruiting but the idea of obsessing over 17 and 18-year-old kids is just creepy.
So for folks who think all of this hoopla is way over the top, I offer you my Bogus Signing Day Report from @mikebellATL on Twitter…
Again, for folks from Alabama, these aren’t real…
10) UT’s Butch Jones happy to hear deep threat WR Pterodactylious Tomlinson picks Vols, “I loved their endzone, you can play checkers on it.”
9) Minot HS LB Strand Fencepost signs w/North Dakota St. “Its the first step to my dream of being a 6th round draft pick of the Atlanta Falcons.”
8) Twin DBs from Tifton D’Whirpool & D’Amana Atkins coming to UGA. “Coach Smart has a helicopter when he buzzed the big peanut… we was like wow.”
7) Anniston Al, (Wopat HS) Tackle Billy Joe Brubaker commits to Bama over Auburn. “The Tide have a pork chop station, Auburn aint got one of those.”
6) Gators land massive Mongo Murtagh from Earnhardt H.S. in West Daytona. The 350lb guard says, “It came down to UF havin’ the best book learnin’.”
5) Prakesh Banu-Banu, kicker from Mumbai Central commits to Georgia Tech. “I cannot wait to kick the oblong spheroid thru the stanchions.”
4) Pace Academy’s WR Armistead Millbarge III shocks Vanderbilt by switching his commit to Dartmouth, “better valet service he quipped.”
3) Homestead FL’s DeVivio Jenkins says he wants to play for Clemson, His Mother Sha-Nay-Nay-Nay says “no way my baby is going to a Death Valley.”
2) Controversy! Tampa Jesuit star LB La’Shandrakon Washington says he never meant sign with South Carolina, he thought Muschamp was still at Auburn.
1) Jameis Winston’s cousin, speedy 4 star RB Crustacean Winston is coming to Tallahassee… “I’m a legacy and sh-t” he tells Rivals.
Bonus Commits: (again, these are NOT real people)
Syracuse loses Bensonhurst, NY HS’ OLB Carmine Scarpetta at the last minute to Ole Miss…”They have blondes everywhere, it’s unbelievable.”
Waycross HS 2 star RB Brock Edelbrock tells http://Scouts.com  “I’m proud to be bringing my talent to The University of Georgia Techs.”
Thomasville Ga,’s 5 star LB Cantankerous Wiley picks FSU despite that fact “he never understood a word Jimbo Fisher said during his visit.”
Buckeyes land dual threat QB Beau-Rivage Bennett from Rustbelt, Indiana. “Was almost going to Michigan but man that Harbaugh guy is a d–k.”
Jerry Springer HS (Orlando FL) star RB Trey Triplett III is heading to Clemson. “Can’t wait to run down the hill and rub Howard’s rocks!”
LSU lands troubled 5 star Metairie WR Deontray Daiquiri, “I Like Coach Miles’ 6 strikes your out player discipline policy”.
(Franklin,TN) 5-star lineman Reginald “Refrigerator Box” Ross signs with Arkansas. “Would’ve gone to UT but they don’t offer Trucking 101”.
Leeds HS 5 star DB Blah-Blah Hinton-Dickson picks Bama “I was leaning to Auburn but when Coach Saban’s Coke bottle called me it won me over.”
Deuteronomy Davis of Broward Christain signs with The U. “I told Coach Richt 2 Samuel 23:5 Yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant.”
Amari Cooper’s brother Mini, signs with Auburn “I’d be 8 on the depth chart at Bama but Coach Malzahn says he’s taking me to SEC Media Days.”
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