By Rob Hamilton

Recruiting is the life blood of every college football program. I get that. What I will never understand, is how grown men can obsess about this stuff. All these 4 & 5 star “studs” that recruiting nerds gush over still have  to… a.) make the grades, b.) keep their noses clean & c.) stay healthy. Not to mention (d) live up to the hype and expectations.

A killer recruiting class is part of building a National Championship contender…or maybe not.  Heck, Georgia is right up there with Alabama, FSU, Ohio State & the Auburns of the world  every year. The Bulldogs have had top 10 recruit classes 7 of the last 8 years… so where’s their National Title?

Never forget my first year in Atlanta, a guy asks me “which way is that Jenkins kid, the tight end from Muscle Shoals leaning? I hear it’s Auburn over Tennessee, thanks I’ll hang up and listen”…Hang up and listen? Your talking to me at a urinal!

So for folks who can keep “Crootin” in perspective here’s some fake headlines from this year’s National Signing Day (from mikebell929@twitter)  but then again they could be real…

 

Five Star LB from Miami Lakes Hemi-Cuda Caruthers grabbed the wrong hat during his announcement and is now heading to FAU instead of The U.

GT lands coveted Mumbai Central kicker Prakash Sandhu who exclaimed “I look forward to kicking the oblong spheroid thru the stanchions”

Leeds, AL 375lb tackle Bantavious “Flapjack” Reynolds says deciding factor for Bama over Auburn was “The Tide’s prime rib carving station”

Grundy Va DB Hardy-Har-Har Mixon-Lott picks VT. “I debilitated over this decision and Im happy to sign with The University of Virginia Tech”

UCF steals RB D’Bradishaw Lee from ECU. George O’Leary says Sea World a vital recruiting aid. “Aint no Shmoo The killer whale in Greenville

It’s Auburn or UF for Tampa DE Electrolux Ellington, sources say pizza party & playing Wii with Muschamp forged a strong bond on his vist.

Irvine, CA QB Buck “Bama Bangs” Brundell signs with Tide, Nick Saban said his involvement with Cobra-Kai helped his hand-eye coordination.

As expected FSU inks Top QB & 2 Sport Star Caramello Cronkite from Lake City…”y’all got nothing to worry bout I’m allergic to shellfish” 

Pace Academy’s flanker Winthorp O’Keefe picks Vandy over Duke, “when it came down to it, their undergraduate concierge service won me over”

Despite Cards coaches being banned from his H.S, QB Lucius St.Ciroc says Bobby Petrino’s integrity & charisma won him over to Louisville.

The Mad Hatter steals Natchez H.S RB Labrum Pepperidge out from under Miss St. “Coach Miles says book learnin’ is over rated” quipped Labrum…

Jerkatron Ellis-Darby who Odessa, TX fans know as “The Matrix” for his amazing catches (and he wears sunglasses during games) signs with SMU.

Camden SC Twin Brothers LB’s Caprice & Monte Carlo Williams sign with Steve Spurrier…”Carolina has it’s own train and sh-t!” said Caprice.

Michael Sam’s brother Marcus (a WR), picks Savannah College of Art & Design over Mizzou, K-State & The Art Institute of Atlanta.

Mudflap, AL tackle Tyrannosaurus Jones picks Auburn over Bama, ” I didn’t see no Nick Saban break dance video on no interweb, War Eagle”

Tarpon Springs (FL)’s Jentavious Massive Ego Jenkins flips from Iowa to Michigan, says relatability to Coach Harbaugh and staff was a factor.

Sea Island (GA)’s kicker Tad Wellington III picks UGA over CLemson. “I thought both teams can underacheieve I’d rather do it closer to home”

and finally… Clemson signs Sony Michel’s younger brother… Magnavox.