I hate Baseball nerds. I think people who use “wins above replacement” in a sentence should be hung on a hook.

A listener once asked me how how do you calculate Wins Above Replacement. I said it’s simple. Take a batter’s slugging percentage and add it to his fielding percentage and divide that by the number of times Tim Kukjian got laid in college… Voila!

Sabermetrics? What is that? How they teach the metric system to hockey fans in Buffalo? How many titles has Billy Beane won in Oakland with that nonsense? Moneyball my ass!

So lets take a look at who’s in The Baseball Hall of Fame for 2015 based on the eye test… using my eyeballs. We’ll factor in clutch… something baseball nerds just don’t understand. Coolness factor, (did you want his Baseball card as a kid?) and guys I’d want (or not want) to have beers with.

Sure it’s flawed. But no more flawed than 400 hundred jock sniffing baseball writers who’s petty jealousies, dislikes and agendas are exposed each winter with The Baseball Hall of Fame’s convoluted voting process.

John Smoltz: IN… over 200 wins & 150 saves & 3,000 strikeouts and he has a World Series ring. If the Braves had another one of him (a true power pitcher) they’d have at least 2 more titles. Always money!

Tim Raines: IN… any dude with a nickname “Rock” and over 2500 hits and 800 stolen bases in! Plus he gave me an autograph at Shea when he was with the Expos in 81′.

Craig Biggio: IN… guy has 3,000 hits, end of story. Not his fault the Astros gacked it so often in the playoffs. If he played in NY or Boston they would have waived the 5 year rule for induction.

Randy Johnson: IN… “The Big Unit” is a terrible nickname but how many big leaguers pooped their pants with that mutant-mullet wearing fiend staring them down from the bump? And he has a ring with the D-Backs.

Pedro Martinez: OUT… dude stole money from the Mets (as has half The Dominican Republic)… he will get in, but not on my first ballot. C’mon he roughed up Don Zimmer! That’s like Tom Cruise beating up Wilford Brimley in “The Firm”. Not cool Pedro, not cool!

Mike Piazza: OUT…what kind of a catcher has blonde highlights (insert punchline or inanimate object here). Speaking of inanimate objects, why didn’t he kick Roger Clemens ass in the 2000 World Series? All of America wanted to see someone step up to the fake tough guy Clemens and throw down after he threw a chunk of broken bat at Piazza. 400 HRs? Yippee, I saw plenty land on the warning track too.

Curt Schilling: OUT… Dude earned the nickname “Red Light Curt” with the Boston Media for always seeking out the cameras in the clubhouse. Who loses $50million on a video game company? Drugs, Booze, hookers? Sure! But investing it all on a new Miss Pacman? What a clown. Who else could have such an iconic moment like the bloody sock game questioned unless folks thought he’s was full of it?

Roger Clemens: NEVER… takes a lot of balls to lie like a rug all this time. Maybe he actually believes his own BS. Andy Petite manned up and gave you all ya need to know about what a fraud the Rocket is.

Barry Bonds: OUT (for now)… I don’t like the fact he pays for the sins of the steroid generation in the minds of so many baseball writers. He already had HOF numbers before he grew 2 hat sizes. Just fess up already. If I I was the greatest player in Baseball in 1998 and I saw a hack like Mark McGwire getting all the attention I’d throw some dianabol on my rice crispies too!

And one last name for the “Golden Era” category: Gil Hodges: 300 HRs, first baseman for World Series Champ 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers and a World Series winning skipper for the Amazing 69′ Mets! He’s already in the Marine Corps Hall of Fame! C’mon, if they can put Phil Rizzuto in? Why not number 14?