TALE OF THE TAPE

Watching Monday Night Football Vs. Watching The Presidential Debate

Monday Night Football
The Presidential Debate
30 Minutes Before
Winner You do 100 push-ups, chug two beers, go outside and pee on a tree. Establish your dominance.
You take 100 deep breaths, read a Deepak Chopra excerpt online, clear your mind. Don't worry, the country only has a 50/50 chance of going down the drain come November.
Your Guys
Winner Your team isn't playing but you're rooting for the team you hate the least out of the two.
Your homeboy Newt didn't make it this far, but you can see past Romney's flaws, including driving around with his dog on the roof of his car, just tonight though.
Guests
Winner Invite only friends who root for your team. You win together, you lose together.
Invite only friends who agree with your belief systems, everything from gay rights to gun control. If you invite the wrong people, friendships will be destroyed.
Live Tweeting
Tweet during the commercial breaks only, check in with your buddies, if you take your eyes off the game, even for one second, it's bad luck and your team will lose.
Winner Tweet your thoughts and opinions on every word, sentence, look, during the debate. Commercial breaks are for breathing exercises.
Rule Enforcers
When the ref throws a flag against your team, you get apoplectic and you need to probably visit an anger management class...where is this coming from?
Winner When the moderator isn't giving your candidate the proper treatment, you just sit on the couch, cross your arms and shake your head. That will teach them!
Snacks
Chips, salsa, wings, pizza, beer. Duh. You're an animal.
Winner Cheese platter, bowl of olives, wine. You're an adult. Duh.
Your Outfit
Winner You wear your team colors and lucky socks, you're even wearing your favorite player's jersey with his name on the back. Man-crush, much?
You're wearing all blue cause you're a democrat, or all red cause you're a republican. This image is so disturbing, don't even get me started.
Audience
Winner There's a few close-up crowd shots, people cheering... whoa!! Who's that hot blonde in the stadium cheering for my team?! Ah, the perks of being a fan.
There's a few close-up audience shots... wait... were all the attractive people busy tonight or something? Good looking people aren't interested in politics? This just doesn't make sense.

The Winner Is

Winner Monday Night Football
5 out of 8

The winner is Football. As tough of a sport as it is, the real injuries are suffered in the political arena.

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