New Year’s resolutions are a tricky concept. Every year, people embark on making grand proclamations about how they are going to change, be better and improve their lives. Most of the time, I think what really happens is people set themselves up for failure when their resolutions become distant statements that were never accomplished. I find it odd that people need the “fresh start” of the new year in order to change something about themselves, but time and time again everyone is sucked into the trend of starting anew.
In accordance with the holiday tradition, here is my list of things to never be accomplished:
- I resolve to spend more time and money on ME. As the center of the universe, I deserve it.
- I resolve to take on more debt. Life is short; let someone else pay for it.
- I resolve to drink more. If you are going to do it right, do it big.
- I resolve to be more like Blair Waldorf with her elegance, elitist manner and fabulous closet.
- I resolve to exercise more. I can do this by walking to every necessary store around the mall… no elevators, just escalators!
- I resolve to travel more… to the liquor store, nail salon, shoe store, clothing boutiques…
- I resolve to stop learning. After all, I’m a college graduate… I already know everything.
- I resolve to win the lottery. I’ll need it to pay for all of the above.
- I resolve to seduce any vampire I ever meet, especially if he looks like either of the Salvatore brothers.
- I resolve to spend less time with family and friends. More of a byproduct of becoming a spoiled, selfish, know-it-all drunk than a resolution.
- I resolve to make no more stupid New Year resolutions.
In all seriousness…I think my favorite resolution I have ever heard came from my dad last year. He stated that he wanted to consume more liquor. I was completely shocked that he chose a resolution that did the exact opposite of becoming healthier. However, his reasoning was valid. He was getting older and wanted to have a little more fun in his life. This didn’t mean going on late night black-out binges taking shot after shot (save that for the weekends, right?), but instead trying more types of liquor out there and straying from the always reliable beer on tap. I admire my dad for choosing something so unconventional and I think everyone should take a page out of his book. When making your resolutions, make sure you choose something you can enjoy along the way…like a few shots of Jaeger.