You ARE The Father… But You Don’t Have To Claim It!

On today’s Powertalk w/ Lorraine Jacques White, Attys. Janice & Daveda Mathis brought up a rousing debate on whether or not men have to claim their children and pay child support! Confused? Here’s the explanation…

Apparently, the option/rule/vote (whatever you want to call it) is on the table to give men an “out” when it comes to paying child support. If a man and a woman have a child together, and the man claims that he never consented to having that child with her, then he should not be responsible for financially and/or emotionally raising that child… but how would that man try to prove that he actually said “NO”?

Take a listen as Janice & Daveda break down the argument:

PART 1 – 

PART 2 – 

PART 3 – 

PART 4 – 

More from Power Talk with Lorraine Jacques-White
  • Salina J

    If you don’t want the child don’t commit the act to put yourself in that position. It is as simple as that!

  • The Black Falcon

    if a man states upfront that he does not want any children, why would a woman (in her right mind) knowing try to have a child by him? It doesn’t make sense. Even if the man is ordered to pay child support, in most cases, that is all he is going to do (pay child support). He will do what is required of him to stay out of jail and nothing else.

    It will be the woman who will have to assume the role of being both mother and father. Why palce All of that responsibility on your shoulders alone. Granted, for some women it is for financial gain, but not all men are multi-million dollar athletes, actors, rappers, doctors, etc. The vast majority of men are just trying to get by. So the 300-400 dollar a month child support checks are hardly worth it if you ask me.

    Furhter, children want and need to feel a sense of belonging by both parents. Studies show that children born into single parent homes have higher incidences of depression, anxiety and lower self-esteem. I can remember when my own daughter, who was four at the time, looked at me and asked, “Daddy, did you and mommy want me when I was born?” It was a bitter/sweet question in that for my wife and I we had planned for the birth of our child. And my daughter’s face lit up when I told her that. I went on to tell her how we had picked out her name when we discovered we were having a girl and how we had painted her room pink and white. However, as a conscious Black man, I know all to well that many Black children were not wanted, and, that they were not and still not wanted is displayed to them on a daily basis. Yet, we wonder why our kids behave the way they do.

    My grandmother use to always tell me, “he life you live will tell on you.” As a “Black community” the lives we are living are telling on us. And, what it is telling is not good.

    • porsha

      Black Falcon, as a single mother that has successfully raised a beautiful young lady on her own, what you say makes total good sense. I as a single mother made a choice that would affect my life in so many different ways. My choosing to not fully protect myself, put me in a position to bare a child from a man that did not love me, and since then has not been the type of father that i would have wanted for my child, BUT, luckily for me i had the love and support of a wonderful dad, mother, brothers and sisters, and they all helped me to raise a very sweet honest caring and giving young lady that has trulty made me proud.

      But there is something that i must share with you, only because i try to mentor some black youth………… i see a lot of dysfunction in two parent households. For example, one young man that i employ to walk my 2 dogs Mon- Fri., has a 1.5 grade point average, has no get up and go about himself, has no people skills, has no problem solving skills, or just basic common sense. His parents have no savings, and no clue of what this child is doing in school and both are unemployed at the momment collecting unemployment, so why isnt this child on top of his game in school, with two parents in the home?

      Then lets mozy on to my neighbors, who is a two parent household raising a 3 year old little boy. Now check this out…… the father works and the mom stays at home with the young boy, whom i never see outside during the week playing like you see other kids, just getting some physical activity and fresh air. This sorry woman, just lays on her fat “A” all day and keeps this poor child away from the world it seems. The only time i have seen this little boy come outside and play is when his cousins come over and take him outside. This weekend, miss fat “A” finally came outside with her son on a trike, and herself too that her husband bought, i joked that its good they are getting some fresh air and excersize, and she responded by saying, ” girl this is for the birds”, mind you it was 3 oclock in the afternoon, and her son was still in pajamas and slippers outside trying to learn how to ride a trike. She had this boy out for a total of 15 minutes, they did not make it past her driveway, i looked up and she had fled back in the house. I said what a miserable life this little boy has, listening to other children play outside his window why his sorry mother sleeps, eats, and holds him captive all day every day.

      There seems to be a total breakdown all across the board with the black family, not just limited to single parent households.
      I agree with you 100% when you say the lives we are living as black folks are indeed telling on us and its evident with whats going on with a lot of our children.

  • The Black Falcon


    I agree. Dysfunctionality is prevelant throughout one and two parent homes and throughout all socioeconomic stratas. My question is this, does this mean this is a cultural probrem?

    • porsha

      I feel like it is a cultural problem, and heres why i feel this way. If you are black and have not been exposed to much, as a parent you are more than likely to repeat this same pattern with your children whether you be single or married.

      having family that are educators, they feel that our children come to the table with nothing, mainly no exposure to other things outside the walls of their home, and or environment. Growing up, we were upper poor, but very exposed to things like family vacations outside of Georgia, movie nights, bowling, skating, plays, amusement parks all over, swimming, you name it, but today you will be surprised how many young people i run across, who never have been to Red Lobster with their family, yet alone Nava, Chops, or finer restaturants. They are not cultivated on different types of foods, nor social activities, outside the hood. And its the parents fault.

      Case in point, i used to have a neighbor who refused to work. She was married and somehow they were recieving govmnt. assistance, section 8, foodstamps, medicaid. Now every grocery week she would flock in Sams and come back with 98% junk. Candy, Snacks, microwave this and that……. never fresh fruit and vegetables. Now her children hair and clothes always looked dirty, and unattended, but every week she had a fresh new weave job, clothes, etc. Meanwhile we would talk and she said that she and her children dont each vegetables, i asked why and she said because she did not eat them as a child. And to be honest her children look sickly not healthy. She does not work, but here again her children are doing poorly in school.

      Now in my hayday in the domestic industry, there are some whites that have dysfunctional families, but at least they will hire a nanny, tutor, whatever to insure that their children succeed.

      I know too many black mothers that put more priority in their fake hair, nails, shopping, than they do helping their children succeed in life. I know too many black fathers that are more concerned with stylish cars, sports, women, sex, drinking alcohol daily, and trying to play step daddy to someone elses children rather than seeing about their own. There is too much play now, get serious later in the black community, and i am one of those people who firmly believes, that you should handle business first, then play later…..there is a time and place for everything.

  • The Black Falcon


    You had better be careful. You know the WAOK listening audience feels as thought Black folk are not responsible for anything. It is always the White mans fault. (LOL)

  • porsha

    LOL Black Falcon……………………. there is a story of the jar of fleas. Everday these fleas would naturally jump to the top of the jar only to repeatedly hit their heads on the lid. They did this so long, until they finally just stopped jumping.

    Then one day the lid was taken off but amazingly the fleas stayed at the bottom not even realizing that the lid had been taken off………. doenst this remind you of the current mental state of a lot of blacks within the black community?

    The black community has had over 30 years since segregation and Jim Crow to get this thing right. In all my years of serving whites, i have never seen one white man behind his desk plotting on how to destroy blacks. What i have seen is them working hard to capitalize in a capitalistic country to leave a legacy wealth to their children. We cannot be mad at them for making good life decisions. Our ancestors were denied access to life changing information, educations, so this generation has no excuse but to achieve.

    Yes racism does exist, but this continued blame of this white oppressor is ludacris. Where was this white oppressor back in the day when blacks like Madame CJ Walker, WEB Dubois, Fredrick Douglas, Carver, Mary M. Bethune, and all other black achievers that lived during segregation……how is it that they succeeded? Like i said no excuse…………………….

  • The Black Falcon


    What’s worse is so-called Civil Rights Leaders and Community Activists know Black Folk feel that the White man is the reason for all of their problems, so they continually feed into this ignorance. By making Black folk feel like the perpetual victim, these leaders/activists can portray themselves as the heros of the Black race, riding in to save the day. However, aside from enriching their own pockets, what have these heros REALLY accomplished? Some would argue Black folk have regressed since the Civil Rights Era. While that is debatable, perceiving oneself as the constant victim is never good.

    • porsha

      Black Falcon, i could’nt agree with you more. Let me share something with you…one of past employers was a very wealthy republican that was deeply rooted in lobbying and politics. He used to try to persuade me to vote republican and suggested that blacks would be better off as a whole if we all voted republican. Then he stated that behind closed doors that no one sells out blacks more than black politicians. This was a white man.

      You posted something a while back ago that took the blinders off for me, and it should have for all blacks that have pure common sense and rational thinking skills, it was something to the fact about Atlanta having all black council members, mayors, congressmen, etc….. for decades and the state of the black community has not changed. The ghettos are still the ghettos and things are still the same.

      Whats even more insane to me is that you have clear evidence that blacks in high positions especially the entertainment industry have done more damage to blacks than any white man ever could, but the same blacks that scream this white oppressor doesnt have the balls to speak out against the black oppressor that publically calls you a “N” and your daughter a “B” and a “W”, all while getting you to buy his junk music, liquor, clothes, you name it……………………

      And yes we have regressed since the civil rights era, instead of taking our new found freedom and continuing to support one another and grow our communities, we ran out feeling likes wees free to buy up the department stores goin’ throughs the front doe instead of the back doe, then there went our money, there went our communities, and there went our pride.
      The truth of the matter Black Falcon, is that some blacks would rather play the victim than admit that they have failed and made poor decisions that have affected their lives in a negative way. When i had a child out of wedlock, my decision affected my life in ways i never could have imagened, both good and bad, but i did not blame some white person for my mental state at the time of conception or after. I cleaned homes on my hands and knees, humbled myself to work part time at Mcdonalds, with one thing in mind, ” to turn the mess i made of my life around’, and that is what i did. I got smart because i was walking the earth being deaf, dumb, and blind……
      Blind to what oppurtunities that were right in front of me……Dumb refusing to be informed, and deaf……not trying to listen to what people that had great wisdom and knowledge were trying to tell me. Now i seek knowledge because it is power and i refuse to hang with any black that isnt with that program- male or female!

  • The Black Falcon


    It is a long held belief of mine, based on critical thinking and observation, that you must be schizophrenic in order to understand the thinking of some Black folk. Let me explain what I mean by that statement…

    Black folk will condemn a white person for something yet praise a black person for the same thing. Do you remember Don Imus and the comments he made about the Rutgers female basketball team? Black folk were up in arms demanding his resignation. Yet Ludacris made a song in which he stated he had Who_ _s in different area codes, and his video displayed young black females, yet no outcry from the Black community. In fact, he was given an Image Award or Soul Train Award or something of that nature.

    The hypocrisy as it relates to Black folk and the hip-hop industry is so numerous it is deplorable, so let us now talk about politics. When Black folk talk about former President Bush, they speak of him as he was an omnipotent being. He was single-handedly able to do whatever he wanted. It is as though the Democratic Party did not exist when he was president (the fact that Democrats controlled the House is conveniently left out of the conversation). Now, as it relates to President Obama, Black folk make it seem like he cannot do much of anything. Black folk attribute President Obamas’s inaction to republican interference. I don’t understand that line of thinking, if Bush was omnipotent, why isn’t Obama. They hold the same office. When Bush was in office, Rebublicans controlled the presidency and senate, the same with Obama, so why the different standard. It goes back to my previous statement; you must be schizophrenic in order to understand the thinking of some Black folk.

    • porsha

      Black Falcon what black people as a whole need to realize is the fact that just because your are black does not mean you have my best interest at heart. On the other hand we also need to realize that not all whites are devils plotting the demise of the black race…………..

      Our minds have been so polluted with miseducation, that we literally cant see the forrest for the trees. Every democrat is not a black saviour. A black Republican that is well connected to some of the richest black land, and realestate owners, is a close friend to one of my relatives that is an educator. They call on him when they want results and action and he does more to help poor black students than any dem my relative fools with- and he gets his rich white friends to give to the cause, and we are talking big bucks.

      Just like the APS school scandal, i remember being called ghetto and stupid when i said that that system was filled with classist members and black teachers that did not really give a hoot about black children. Here again you have blacks clearly doing other blacks a disservice, and here we go as a people saying this is a plot by whites to take over APS. But the real question has not been addressed Black Falcon, and that is ” If APS and South Fulton schools systems are predominately filled with black teachers, administraters, principals, then shouldnt these schools be the top schools in the state of Georgia, if in fact blacks are looking out for blacks in a good way? The answer is obvious, the only thing most of these blacks are doing is looking out for that paycheck and benefits, thats all. Here again we would rather blame another race for failing our children than say that a lot of us have been lazy uninvolved parents that have allowed a predominately black school system to take tax dollars and fail our kids and not be held accountable by black folk. We will say white folks are setting APS up, rather than admit the simple truth…. WE BLACK FOLK HAVE FAILED OURSELVES AS A WHOLE, WE ARE FAILING OUR CHILDREN, AND WE HAVE FAILED OUR COMMUNITIES.

      And my last point is this, and i wish it is something that all blacks could really understand about money and politics and i have seen it first hand in working for wealthy people that have solid wealth that is going to be around decades after they have left the earth…….. and that is no matter who is in office a democrat or republican, if you are broke- YOU LOSE. When Bush was in office i personally know several blacks that capitalized of his policies, mainly because they were PREPARED FINANCIALLY to take advantage of the housing market and banking indusrty, Now these same black now that Obama is in office are still capitalizing because other blacks that made poor financial decisions buying homes that they really could not on paper afford have had to jump ship and they are able to buy these foreclosed homes dirt cheap, then rent them out through these sketchy economic times, but when the economy recovers, and it will they will make a fortune reselling these homes. So bottom line its all about survival of the fittest or smartest if you will.

      Blacks need to stop waisting time on bull, get informed, and above all else learn how the game is played, get in the game, and plan to win in the game.

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